Famous Quotes from ...

\nAmbrose Bierce



    Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

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    Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

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    Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

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    The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

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    Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

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    Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

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    Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.

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    Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

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    Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

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    Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

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    Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

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    Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

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    Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.

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    Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

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    Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

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    Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

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    Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.

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    Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

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    Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

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    Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.

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    Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

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    History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

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    Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

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    Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

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    Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

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    Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.

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