Famous Quotes from ...

Andy Rooney



    Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.

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    The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

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    Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.

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    Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

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    Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.

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    I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

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    We should change our attitude toward the United Nations. There has to be some power in the world superior to our own. We should not have attacked Iraq without the okay of the United Nations. Now we have to live with that mistake. We're living with it, and too many of our guys are dying with it.

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    Democrats (I think to myself) are liberals who believe the people are basically good, but that they need government help to organize their lives. They believe in freedom so fervently that they think it should be compulsory. They believe that the poor and ignorant are victims of an unfair system and that their circumstances can be improved if we give them help. Republicans (I think to myself) are conservatives who think it would be best if we faced the fact that people are no damned good. They think that if we admit that we have selfish, acquisitive natures and then

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