Famous Quotes from ...

Jack Handy



    Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants

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    I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

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    If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat).

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    It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money. - Deep Thoughts ( Saturday Night Live)

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    I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.

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    I think people tend to forget that trees are living creatures. They're sort of like dogs. Huge, quiet, motionless dogs, with bark instead of fur.

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