Famous Quotes from ...

Erma Bombeck



    Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

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    It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

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    A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

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    Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

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    Never have more children than you have car windows.

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    If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

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    Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

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    Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

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    Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

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    I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

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    Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

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    Never order food in excess of your body weight.

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    Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

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    Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.

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    Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

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    Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

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    I've decided life is too fragile to finish a book I dislike just because it cost $16.95 and everyone else loved it. Or eat a fried egg with a broken yolk (which I hate) when the dog would leap over the St. Louis Arch for it.

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    One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

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    The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"

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    What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

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    For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.

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    There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, "Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams." Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there.

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    People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.

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    A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

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    At some point in your life if you're lucky you throw practicality to the wind andstart living.

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    I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

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    For years [my wedding ring] has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

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    I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.

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    I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

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