Famous Quotes from ...

Rita Rudner



    In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

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    Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

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    I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

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    Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

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    My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

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    I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

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    We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.

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    I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

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    I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

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    Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"

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    Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

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    Men hate to lose. I beat my husband once at tennis. I asked him, "Will we ever make love again?" He said, "Yes.... but not with each other."

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    It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

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    I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

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    To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior

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    My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

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